Why Your Child Struggles with Weight (And Why You Looking in the Mirror Can Change That For Them)

"I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror."
— Taylor Swift, “Anti-Hero”

As a pediatrician, this lyric sticks with me because it captures what I used to see almost every day in my office: parents who absolutely love their kids but aren't aware of how they may be inadvertently contributing to their child's problem.

The Pattern

Parents come in deeply concerned about their child's weight.
They've researched medications.
They want specialists and dietitians.
They want the school to change.
They want their child to change.
They’ve tried to get their child to follow diets or exercise plans.
They’re worried about their child's health now and in the future.

But they aren't looking in the mirror.

They don’t examine:

• What they’re putting in the grocery cart

• Why they keep choosing industrially made foods

• Their own relationship with food

• The environment they’ve created at home

• How their discomfort about upsetting their child drives their choices
  
  

Our medical system unintentionally reinforces this by focusing on treatment over prevention. It doesn’t help parents see what they can actually control. We have a sick-care system that pays for drugs and surgery, not for helping people maintain their health upfront.

Why We Avoid the Mirror

Looking in the mirror means facing uncomfortable truths about ourselves.
It’s hard enough when it’s just our own lives — but when we see how our choices affect the people we love most? That becomes a huge obstacle.

My Experience With the Mirror

When my son started struggling with extra weight and insulin resistance at 10, I knew I needed to look in the mirror.
My parents hadn’t done this, and I’d struggled with weight my entire childhood.

What I Saw

• The food I was choosing contributed to his weight and insulin resistance

• I was choosing convenience and his preferences over health

• We were eating out too much

• I was “keeping him happy” with unhealthy foods but contributing to his long-term unhappiness

• I was choosing his food environment — not him

• I was creating the conditions affecting his health

I acknowledged the regret, fear, and shame that bubbled up.
But I’d learned how to manage my thoughts and feelings.
So instead of using the mirror to punish myself, I used it to course-correct.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” — Maya Angelou

After I Looked in the Mirror

Everything got better.

Once I saw my role clearly, I also saw my opportunity and power.

• I stopped outsourcing his results.

• I stopped waiting for him to “make better choices.”

• I stopped feeling helpless.

• I took control of what I could: myself.

I went first.
I ate real food, got good sleep, moved my body daily, and managed my emotions and stress.
Very quickly, his health transformed — because I transformed the conditions he was living in.

What the Mirror Shows You

When you look in the mirror, you see:

• A parent who loves their child and has been doing what they thought was right

• A parent parenting in a culture that promotes comfort and convenience for profit, not health

• A parent doing what’s “normal” today — even though it’s not normal for kids’ biology

• A parent who is 100% worthy no matter what they’re feeding their kid

You also see:

• Your child isn’t broken — they’re living in an environment not working with their biology

• Your child isn’t making poor choices — they’re eating what you’re buying and serving

• Your child needs your help — their brain isn’t yet developed enough to override biology in an environment full of ultra-processed foods

• You — and your adult brain — can fix this for them

The mirror can catapult you forward.
I found it liberating to realize how much impact I could have.
I only wish someone had helped my parents do this for me.

Why Parents Need to Go First

93% of US adults are metabolically unhealthy. Over 70% are overweight or obese.

These numbers aren’t to shame us — they’re a reflection of how far our whole culture has drifted from real health.  But we have to ask:  Can we expect our kids to be healthy when we aren’t?

When I learned how my thinking contributed to my overeating, I got to the root cause of my extra weight.
I learned to consistently choose real food, handle discomfort, and stop doing things that weren’t serving me.
Then I used those same skills to change what I was serving my son.

More importantly, I had the emotional skills to help him transition without making his resistance mean anything bad about him, me, or the process.

Our willingness to look in the mirror and do our own work is the most powerful gift we can give our kids.

Real Food in Real Life

I hear you:

“I’m working two jobs. Real food is expensive. I’m exhausted. I can’t fight about food every night.”

Real food doesn’t mean Whole Foods and organic everything.
It means choosing the least processed options you can afford:

• Frozen vegetables over chips

• Eggs over Pop-Tarts

• Beans and rice over Lunchables

• Water over soda

Looking in the mirror isn’t about blame — it’s about seeing where you actually have influence.

Every family has constraints — time, money, energy.
But every family also has some choice about what comes into their home.

Your mirror reflection doesn’t need to be perfect.
It just needs to be honest about where you have influence and where you’re willing to use it.

The Good News

When you look in the mirror and see your role, you also see your power.
You’re not helpless.
You’re not waiting for your child to develop motivation beyond their years.

You’re the leader.
You’re creating the environment.
And you can change it.

You Go First

Are you willing to look in the mirror?
Not to punish yourself — but to see where your power lies and define a path forward?

Ask yourself:

• What food am I buying that isn’t serving my child’s health?

• What routines am I avoiding because of my own discomfort?

• What am I choosing for convenience that’s costing my child their health?

• What boundaries do I need to set and follow through on?

The parents whose children change their health trajectory?
They look in the mirror with self-compassion and curiosity.
They see their influence, accept their power, do their own work, and create the environment their children need to thrive.

About Sheila Carroll, MD

Dr. Sheila Carroll is a pediatrician, obesity medicine physician, and life coach who helps parents create healthier environments for their children. She’s also a former kid who struggled with extra weight — and a mom who’s walked this path herself.